Self-worth — what we do (but don’t always) know about it.

The truth is that a large, silent number of us struggle with feelings of unworthiness.  Some of us are aware of it, but many of us are not.

If you asked us whether or not we feel valuable, we would say yes. We might even pass a polygraph test saying it.

Because, we’ve heard all the common cliches about our worth, either in books or from people telling us.  And, we know just how to respond whenever someone asks us about our worth.

But, while we may be able to give good answers, we can’t hide the symptoms that say something completely different.  They are:

The perfectionism.  The perpetual busyness. The constant yearning for approval, the strong reactions to criticism, and the incessant need to be right in our arguments. This is where our unworthy feelings rear their ugly face, telling the truth about how we really feel.

It is important — not just to hear that we are valuable, but to actually believe it.

Our belief in our worth tends to fluctuate up and down throughout our lives, depending on our circumstances.  We seem to have an easier time believing in our value when the world is spinning our way.  When the softball team is slapping your back because you had a nice hit, you come home to your family just a bit more self-assured.

But, when your boss gives you the vibe that he hasn’t been happy with your performance, or your spouse’s looks don’t communicate that you’ve been measuring up at home, suddenly, those dormant feelings find their way to the surface.

When this happens, you may find yourself becoming cynical, depressed, or defensive.  You may find yourself on edge or acting out of character.  There are many ways that a lost sense of worth can manifest itself. 

While your circumstances don’t determine your value, they can help you become more certain of it.  This is an important distinction, because it gives us cause to be a part of things that build us.  After all, we tend to be a bit more kind, confident, and reasonable when that sense of assurance is there. 

So, why not keep going on the softball team?  Why not be a part of something where your contributions are appreciated and your love language is spoken?  It is okay to seek validation.  In fact, it’s good.  Just remember that you are valuable regardless — even when nobody seems to be telling you.

If you’d like to delve further into the subject of self-worth, please pick up this book, THE POWER OF SELF-WORTH, which offers a much more thorough and personal look at self-worth.

Thank you for reading this blog.  I hope that it has helped you feel encouraged!

C J Kruse