Here is a creative (and fun) idea that I recommend. Couples should take a small box or container, and place loving letters into it. Those letters will be saved then for potentially bad situations. We can call this: A Disaster-Prep Package.
(This is from Chapter 2 of my book, “Practice Makes Harmony”, a book for changing habits to restore marital peace. You can continue reading this article, or download the whole thing for free on audiobook, just by clicking HERE. )
Here’s how it works; suppose things are starting to get out of control. It’s a Friday night and you’re trying to plan the weekend. Your wife just rolled her eyes at you. You just shot her an authoritative look. Your voices are starting to raise, and you can both feel that sense of pending chaos rising that you’ve felt so many times before, and you know things are about to get out of hand.
But fear not. Why? Because you’ve both written short letters to each other, full of love and warm feelings. You have your disaster prep package ready. In the heat of the moment, you pull this little box out. You each take a small break from your discussion to read the notes the other has written.
You read the kind words she wrote down last Friday night when she was having one of those moments, feeling grateful for who you are. Realizing all of your positive traits and feeling appreciative just to have you in her life.
And she reads the kind words you wrote down yesterday, when you looked in the pantry and saw that she restocked your potato chips, and it made you notice all the small things she does to show she cares about you.
Suddenly, your blood pressures both begin to drop. Good feelings overpower the bad. Your hearts toward each other change because you can’t stay mad at someone who’s expressing kindness to you. This is how a small amount of preparing can go a long way.
I recommend having a disaster prep package, and filling it as often as necessary. If you fight once a week, then be sure to have at least one disaster prep package ready each week. If you fight twice a day, then be sure to have two a day, or as often as you need it.
Doing this will require that you form a new habit. First and foremost, of utilizing those good, loving moments to prepare for the bad ones. Make sure they don’t slip by without being written down.
And secondly, make sure that you have those good realizations. Get into the habit of dwelling on your spouse’s positive traits so that you actually know what you want to write down. Do this, and I guarantee you will see your marriage changing in a positive way.
(This is from Chapter 2 of my book, “Practice Makes Harmony”, a book for changing habits to restore marital peace. You can download the entire audiobook for free, just by clicking HERE. )